Day 35: March 30
And as Peter was beneath in the courtyard, there comes one of the maids of the chief priest; and seeing Peter warming himself, looking intently at him, she says, And thou also were with Jesus of Nazareth. And he denied, saying, I know not, neither do I comprehend what thou say. And he went outside to the porch; and the cock crowed. And the maid, seeing him again, began to say to those who stood by, This is one of them. And he again denied; and a little after, they who stood by said again to Peter, Truly thou art one of them, for thou art a Galilean, and thy speech is similar. But he began to curse and to swear, I know not this Man of whom you speak. And the second time the cock crowed. And Peter remembered the saying which Jesus said to him, Before the cock crows twice, thou shall deny Me three times. And casting his thought on this, he wept. (Mark 14:66-72)
In order that He may make a man blessed and happy, the Lord wills a total submission, that is, that he be not partly his own and partly the Lord’s, for then there are two lords, which no one can serve at the same time (Matt. 6:24). (Arcana Coelestia 6138:2)
Peter was afraid to admit to knowing Jesus, let alone being one of the disciples. It seems that despite his previous confidence Peter was afraid to die alongside the Lord. We ultimately will make a similar choice, to be willing to give up our lives for the Lord or to deny Him. The Lord does not expect us to give up our life because He needs the sacrifice, or wants to test us. We need to be willing to give up our old selfish life, before the Lord can give us the new life of heavenly joy. Does letting go of any thought about self, feel frightening or liberating?