Week 5
Day 4

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Betrothal

Chastity and Betrothal

And Isaac went out to meditate in the field as it turned toward evening; and he lifted up his eyes and saw, and behold there were camels coming. And Rebekah lifted up her eyes, and saw Isaac, and she alighted from off the camel. And she said to the servant, Who is that man there walking in the field to meet us? And the servant said, He is my lord. And she took the veil and covered herself. ( Genesis 24:63–65 )

CL 304. VIII. That This is the Case with Those Who Think of Marriages Chastely; Not So with Those Who Think of Them Unchastely. With the chaste, being those who think about marriages from religion, the marriage of the spirit precedes, and that of the body follows. These are the ones spoken of above (no. 302), with whom the love ascends towards the soul and then descends from its height. Their souls separate themselves from the unlimited love of the sex and, attaching themselves to one, look to an everlasting and eternal union with that one, and to its increasing blessings as nourishers of the hope which continually recreates their minds.

[2] It is wholly different with the unchaste, being those who do not think of marriages and their holiness from religion. With them, there is a marriage of the body and none of the spirit. If anything of a marriage of the spirit appears during the state of betrothal, yet, if this ascends by an elevation of the thoughts respecting it, it nevertheless falls back to the concupiscences [or lusts] which are in the will from the flesh; and so, by reason of the unchaste things there, casts itself headlong into the body and pollutes the ultimates of its love with alluring ardor. The result is, that as in the beginning it burned, so, suddenly it burns out and passes off into the cold of winter whereby its disappearance is accelerated. With such men, the state of betrothal does hardly anything else than help to fill their concupiscences with lascivious things, and from these to contaminate the conjugial of love.

CL 305. IX. That During the Time of Betrothal It Is Not Lawful to Be Conjoined Corporeally, for thus the order which is inscribed on conjugial love perishes. In human minds there are three regions, the highest of which is called celestial, the middle spiritual, and the lowest natural. It is into this lowest region that man is born. He ascends into his higher region, which is called spiritual, by a life according to the truths of religion; and into the highest, by the marriage of love and wisdom. In the lowest region, which is called natural, reside all the concupiscences of evil and lasciviousness, but in the higher region which is called spiritual, are no concupiscences of evil and lasciviousness, for man is led into this region by the Lord when he is born again; and in the highest region called celestial, is conjugial chastity residing in its own love. Man is elevated into this region by the love of uses, and since the most excellent uses are from marriages, by love truly conjugial.

[2] From this it can be seen in brief, that from the first periods of its heat, conjugial love, if it is to become chaste, must be elevated from the lowest region into the highest, that from what is chaste it may then be let down through the middle and lowest region into the body. When this is done, this lowest region is purified of its unchastities by the descent of what is chaste, and then the ultimate of that love also becomes chaste. If then the successive order of this love be precipitated by corporeal conjunctions before their due time, it follows that the man acts from the lowest region which is unchaste from birth. That from this region, cold in respect to marriage and neglect of the married partner together with loathing, has its beginning and origin, is well known. Yet there are various differences in the results of premature conjunction, as also of an over-prolonging and likewise of an over-hastening of the time of betrothal; but on account of their number and varieties, these can hardly be adduced.

AC 9182:3. Unlawful conjunction is that which is not made from affection for marriage; but from some other affection, as the affection of beauty, the affection of gain, or the affection of personal rank; and also which is made from lasciviousness. In the beginning these conjunctions are unlawful, because that which conjoins is external, and not at the same time internal. Nevertheless, a lawful conjunction may afterward be effected from them as means, which takes place when the minds are conjoined.

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